My neonatal appointment.

30 weeks & 2 days – my neonatal appointment for today couldn’t have gone any worse, I didnt really want this appointment today as the last time I saw my neonatal nurse she really upset me, she just seemed so cold and blunt about my baby not surving. Today I took my auntie, partner and mum just for support. I’ve been trying to prepare myself for days for what I think she will say but it’s so hard. So we sit down ready for this conversation, and she’s off straight away.. negative, negative, negative .. “your baby won’t make surgery” “your baby’s lungs are not developed” “you won’t take your baby home” she rolls them off he tongue and it’s like she doesn’t care, she can see she’s killing me with each and every word that comes out of her mouth and she’s not bothered, I’m breaking right in front of her and it’s like she doesn’t care? Is she unaware of what she’s doing to me right now? My auntie tells me to go out of the room for a breather, and that she would speak to the nurse.. the nurse point blank refused speaking to anyone apart from me, knowing full well it’s hurting me to speak and I don’t wanna speak to her. So I sit outside and have a breather and try to compose myself to go back into the room.. we go back in and she tries to speak to me again.. with the exact same words she told me just now that had upset me!! I’m getting no where I want to go home, I don’t want to speak to this nurse. My mum went and spoke to the midwife who asked if we want to re-arrange another appointment with her which I agree too, I find it so much easier to put it off, maybe next time I can try to prepare myself a little more. I know my baby will survive this battle, I know it and I don’t want to speak about ifs & buts, I don’t want to plan my baby’s funeral. My baby will show them all wrong, like he has from day one, I know he will. He’s my miracle boy💙

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